![]() With curiosity the adults are conveying their intention to simply understand why and to help the child with understanding. They often do not know why they did it or are reluctant to tell adults why. Curiosity lets the child know that the adults understand.Ĭhildren often know that their behavior was not appropriate. Curiosity is wondering about the meaning behind the behaviour for the child. Making sense of how the child has learnt to behave in certain ways can help with acceptance.Ĭuriosity, without judgment, is how we help children become aware of their inner life, reflect upon the reasons for their behaviour, and then communicate it to their parents or therapist. The child then becomes more confident that conflict and discipline involves behavior, not the relationship with parents nor her self-worth.Ĭuriosity is the foundation of acceptance of whatever underlies the behaviour. One hopes that the child learns that while behavior may be criticised and limited, this is not the same as criticising the child’s self. The parent may be very firm in limiting behavior while at the same time accepting the motives for the behaviour. The child’s inner life simply is it is not right or wrong.Īccepting the child’s intentions does not imply accepting behavior, which may be hurtful or harmful to another person or to self. It is about accepting, without judgment or evaluation, her inner life. Unconditional acceptance is at the core of the child’s sense of safety.Īcceptance is about actively communicating to the child that you accept the wishes, feelings, thoughts, urges, motives and perceptions that are underneath the outward behaviour. ![]() While such a response would not be appropriate at the time of major misbehavior, when applied to minor behaviours, playfulness can help keep it all in perspective. The child is less likely to respond with anger and defensiveness when the parent has a touch of playfulness in his or her discipline. When children laugh and giggle, they become less defensive or withdrawn and more reflective.Ī playful stance adds elements of fun and enjoyment in day-to-day life and can also diffuse a difficult or tense situation. If you can help the child discover his own emerging sense of humour, this can help him wonder a little more about his life and how come he behaves in the ways that he does. Playfulness allows children to cope with positive feelings. Feeling these emotions can sometimes turns to anxiety. If this is the case, then children may also find it hard to regulate feelings of excitement, joy and love. When children find it hard to regulate their feelings, anger can become rage, fear, terror, and sadness, despair. A playful stance can allow closeness but without the scary parts. Some children don’t like affection or reject hugs. Sometimes a troubled child has given up on the idea of having good times and doesn’t want to experience and share fun or enjoyment. It’s about helping children be more open to and experience what is positive in their life, one step at a time. Having a playful stance isn’t about being funny all the time or making jokes when a child is sad. Playful moments reassure both that their conflicts and separations are temporary and will never harm the strength of their relationship. It is similar to parent-infant interactions when both parent and infant are delighting in being with each other and getting to know each other.
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